Complaints - Don't Waste The Good Whine!
They exist. Complainers . They are part of the ministerial landscape - wherever you go. They will find a way to let you know they have been mistreated, what is taking place is just not fair, the price is too high, or it is just too hard to follow your leadership. They will come up with reasons for being upset, disillusioned, and disheartened that you never remotely considered. And you are called to lead these criticizers. The good news is, nobody complains about things they want to do!
All moving objects encounter resistance! Jesus encountered it daily and cutting edge leadership is no different. Great leaders are always embracing change and forward progression; the very nature of which is going to feel unfair to others who may be affected. I have learned that if I am addressing a group of 10 people, most likely, there will be at least one who will not like my words (or my tie)! Learn to expect complaints; do not avoid them, learn to deal with them and use them as opportunities to lead those you serve. Don't place a person's head on the chopping block just because they have a complaint; and, for the sake of your sanity, commit today to refuse to take complaints and criticisms personally. Learn to masterfully lead criticizers - even the greatest and most faithful saints will complain sooner or later! An empty church has no complainers!
TWO-THIRDS EARS AND ONE-THIRD MOUTH
My Pastor is an amazing man. He recognizes that God gave him two ears and one mouth. He endeavors to listen two-thirds of the time and talk the other one-third. That is wisdom; the kind of wisdom that really gets on my last nerve!Listening is difficult for most leaders; but is mastered by the greatest leaders. I am not yet one of those!! If you don't take time to listen to their words, look into their eyes, and try to empathize with what they are feeling, regardless of whether or not their complaint is justifiable, you will not be able to give a sincere, genuine, and heartfelt response.
The launching pad for discussing complainers must be set before we move forward. The bottom line is this: You exist to please God. You will never please everyone. You will never please any one person all of the time; however, YOU CAN PLEASE GOD. This is your goal.
As leaders, we must also learn how to please God in dealing with complainers and criticizers.
EMOTIONAL REACTION VS. PRAYERFUL RESPONSE
Complainers usually address leadership with the expectation of your immediate reaction. You don't owe them one. Complainers come across with the attitude that you are accountable to them - you are not. Even though you don't owe them an immediate response, you should prepare a prayerful one. Although you are not accountable to them, you are responsible for them.Do not respond "off the cuff". Let the complainer know you are going to pray and seek God about the situation at hand. You owe God's people spiritual leadership, nothing more and nothing less. Do not be intimidated into replying to them in a reactionary manner, but respond maturely. You can tell the maturity of a leader by how he responds to complainers and criticizers.
The natural response to criticizers and complainers is ANGER. If you determine today to respond to every complainer with emplathy and prayer, the emotional default reaction of anger will not be an option.
Complainers and criticizers have a very important place in your calling. They should drive you closer to God and cause you to become better in your leadership. If we are not careful, we can view them so negatively that they are a dread even to greet at church! Don't let that happen...take the upper hand.
You train complainers. You train them to push you around if you allow them to set your agenda. You train them to keep complaining or to learn to pray. You train them on what is acceptable and unacceptable. You train them on whether they will be allowed to call you at 11 p.m. or sit in your office for an hour every other week! You are their trainer - never forget that. It does go without saying that some complainers will never be taught boundaries - but they are few.
If complainers know they can exact your time, energy, and attention - they will. Time given to them should be quality; nevertheless, very short. Whatever you allow to distract you, will eventually drain you. If you train complainers to be your distraction, eventually - they will suck the life right out of you. Don't let the complainers have the time you need to be giving to the faithful laborers who are striving to do everything to see the Kingdom of God prosper!!
Some people were born crying - the Doctor never had to smack them to make it happen! They are born trouble-makers who just like to stir the pot until it boils over on the floor. Their happiness is hinged upon your unhappiness. These chronic complainers may change their complaints, but they will never change the time they spend complaining or the spirit with which it is done!
Titus 3:10 says, "Warn a divisive person once, and then warm him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him."
In my own words I say, dismiss his complaints several times, explaining to him the need for an excellent spirit. If he continues, dismiss him, not just his complaint. Don't give him ear. Let him sit in the pot he is stewing. Eventually, others who follow your leadership will also dismiss him as a "trouble-maker" as well - you won't have to tell them to do it. Wisdom will cause you to ponder a complaint in your heart in prayer to confirm it's legitimacy and if the individual is wounded, hurt, or simply concerned. If the pattern in the person is 'divisive', you would be wise to obey Titus 3:10. If you dismiss everyone who complains, you won't have enough laborers to do the work God has called you to do; however, if you don't dismiss the divisive criticizers whose spirit is that of a trouble-maker, you will not have the atmosphere and morale to get the work done!
REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT
It has been said by more experienced leaders than I, "Repetition is the best teacher." Some followers just don't understand your goals as the leader among them. You must bare your heart, give the reason why you know the Lord led you where He has. Do everything you can to repeat it to them in many ways, helping them to see the "why" of your vision and goals for the church. After doing all you can to help them understand your God-given vision for the work of God, if they still don't understand and hold the same criticisms - then you must simply group them with those who just don't understand. Leave it in God's hands and move on. A PLAN FOR COMPLAINERS AMONG US
1. Hear them out. 2. Take it to prayer.
3. Pinpoint their spirit. What manner of spirit are they of? Is it in the right place. Let God talk to you.
4. Show them love.
5. Express gratitude for their concern. Show them the way of prayer and peace as you give a reply to those you feel need a response.
6. Dismiss the divisive complainers.
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About Me-
- Jayson Pagan
- Salina, Kansas, United States
- Being raised in a home void of leadership, leading people does not come natural for me. After creating much havoc and chaos, it is my endeavor to share with others the lessons that I have learned along the way. I am a bilingual minister with the UPCI and have spent time pastoring, evangelizing, and have functioned for the last 8 years as the Administrator of a wonderful and growing Church in Southern Illinois. I have also been at the helm of successfully growing a small construction company to become a multi-million dollar industry. Space does not permit all the lessons learned!